Sun Salutation Progress Report - Halfway Mark

I haven't written for awhile about the daily yoga practice that has become another new habit in this fortieth year. This habit shares a basic commonality with the writing habit: small, daily effort adds up over time. When I started writing Astrid's story, I couldn't envision creating a book-length story. And as of this week, I have! A page a day really did turn into a book draft.

Since I last wrote about yoga, touching my toes has become a regular occurrence. I took a class at my beloved yoga studio recently. Before class, I sat on my mat with my legs stretched straight before me. To my utter surprise, I leaned forward and touched my toes! This wasn't possible the last time I was on my mat in class. I laughed at my surprise because at home I was regularly touching my toes from a standing position. Why wouldn't it follow that I could do it seated? This seated discovery was such a boost.

It took about four or five months for touching my toes without major discomfort to happen. The daily yoga has taught me patience with the process and believing that the results will come in due time. My hamstrings have been tight since I was a ballet dancer in elementary school. Why would I suppose they would untangle overnight, just because I want them to? I could actually check off #4 Improve forward bends from the 4040 list now because they definitely have improved, but I know that the forward bends will continue to improve with even more time.

In April, I forgot to do the daily yoga on two occasions two weeks apart. I made up for them both on the following days by doing eight sun salutations. But I must admit I relied heavily on my word-of-2015 GENTLE on those days. I had to really talk my way through my disappointment. I eventually remembered that focusing on the few days I missed was missing the bigger point. A year before I didn't have a home yoga practice at all. Missing a few days here and there does not undo all that I've accomplished. I missed one more day in May. I took a breath, did eight to make up for the day before, and moved on.

The blank calendar page, just like the blank computer screen, no longer scares me. It is an invitation to enjoy what is to come, day-by-day. Now that the forward bend is coming along well, I've been working on improving the still-very-painful half lift. I can see and feel a change in this position, which seemed impossible only months ago. I look forward to measuring this progress and reporting on it in the coming months.

My body image has experienced a change too. I'm still skinny, but now when I assess my body, I see the effects of daily yoga: my arms and legs have definition; my once-pregnant belly is toned and defined in a way it never was before. I see strength where I once believed there was weakness. I know I walk with more confidence. I move in the world differently. What a gift to myself in my 40th year!

The bottom line is that this daily yoga is not going away when the 4040 list is complete. It's a productive, restorative five minutes spent each day. I am celebrating being the healthiest, most fit I've ever been, which is pretty cool to say at 40. The celebration does indeed continue!

24. Write to Four State and Federal Legislators - CHECK

The productivity continues this Independence Day weekend!

The Fourth of July seems like an uber-appropriate time to cross off this item from the list.

I've drafted my letter to four female legislators and have hand written two of them. My hand is a little crampy, so I'm resting up, publishing this post, and will finish the other two letters later in the day.

This is what I'm sending to each of them:

July 4, 2015

Dear Representative ________:

I turned 40 in January, and am celebrating by checking off activities from what I named my 4040 list. #24 is to write four letters to state and federal legislators. Crossing this item off my list on Independence Day seems appropriate.

I am a mother. I blog at www.300rejections.blogspot.com, and am employed at a local university. I am also reading my way through the presidential biographies chronologically to become a more informed citizen. Zachary Taylor's bio is next.

Thank you for your service. While everyone is wringing their hands about the discouraging state of the union, my historical reading has helped keep that worry in perspective. Our country has weathered hard times throughout its past. We have faced adversity and conquered difficulties. I am certain we can do so again.

My only agenda is to offer encouragement and to remind you that we, the citizens you represent, seek civility and cooperation among government officials. We're not seeing much of that at present. Writer Glennon Doyle Melton reminds her readers that “We Belong To Each Other.” It is an excellent guide as we interact with one another and as hard decisions cross your legislative desk.

Happy Fourth of July! Again, thank you for your service.

With Appreciation,

Julie Steele Mahoney

I read a meme this morning that says, "Be an encourager, the world has enough critics already." It resonates with me and is how I wanted to approach this list item. A while ago a friend called me a people builder. I like that. It guides my interactions often including this letter-writing campaign.

25. Zipline with M.M. - CHECK

The best parts of this 4040 list are the items with the least amount of direction. I'm having the most fun letting happenstance and serendipity (my favorite word and concept) fill in the blanks. For instance, yesterday's event was ziplining with my friend, M. We didn't specify where we would do this, we just knew we wanted to experience it together,so when I discovered we could zipline on the longest, mobile zipline as part of the Fair St. Louis celebration in Forest Park, we both said, YES! And for only $10!

The zipline is the shortest part of the story. The walk there from my University parking spot and the people we met throughout the adventure made the event memorable.

The walk. I told M we could park at work and walk to Forest Park. She had pictured the main campus (much closer to Forest Park). I didn't think to clarify that I work in an off-campus location. I slowed my long-stride pace to accommodate this comedic error. We enjoyed conversation with the backdrop of big historic homes and condos with new construction tossed in here and there down the street. We were shielded from the sun by mature trees that provided great shade for much of the walk.

The hallmark of my friendship with M is our laughter. We make each other laugh a lot. This walk had plenty of laughter.

We made it to Forest Park and opted to let the golf carts stationed to transport fair goers to take us the rest of the way to the Zipline.

The whole morning I blocked out the fact that I'm not in love with heights and that this activity might actually be quite scary. Block, Block, Block.

We met Bobby, with his lovely Georgia accent, and his team. They gave us the harnesses to step into and tightened them around our waist and M and I began our ascent.

At the top, we met Adam.

We chatted with Adam as we watched the people in front of us zipline. Suddenly it registered that for me to do this, I had to initiate the step off the platform. I looked over at M and I identified my own fear as I saw it cross her face. Adam assured us that we could go at the same time. He opened the doors for us. M and I looked at each other and stepped off. For three seconds, I couldn't breathe and then once I settled into the feel of the harness around my waist and legs, I enjoyed the ride.

It was a thrill! We stepped out of the harnesses and took them back to Bobby at the entrance. We chatted a few more minutes and then set out to walk back to my car.

The day's activity is a great example of how it's not the destination but the journey that is so important.

We saw the golf carts again and decided we would take one back to shorten our walk. This is when we met Brandon, our golf cart driver. We chatted with Brandon and explained that we were celebrating my fortieth birthday with a trip down the zipline. His shocked reaction to my age was priceless and earned him bonus points.

We chatted the entire way back to the free parking offered at my off-campus location. Brandon was lovely. He had personality, charm, and meeting him (and getting a ride back) was a great way to end our fun experience.

This is check off #2 for the holiday weekend. I'm on pace to knock off one or two more this weekend.

STAY TUNED...

29. Learn to fishtail braid CJ's hair - CHECK

In a fit of industriousness and goal-orientedness this morning, I decided I would youtube a how-to video on fishtail braids.

I caught my daughter in a moment of willingness to sit through the tutorial and in one try I banged out a braid!

I really wish I'd had this knowledge when I had long hair and was French braiding my own so often.

The fishtail is so whimsical and lovely. There's not much to say about it. It looks complicated but is not at all. I'm pleased with my first attempt. I've got to work on the amount of tension I maintain as I add more hair down the plait, but otherwise, I'm considering this checked off the list. What a great way to start a holiday weekend, and Cadence is pleased with the results!

A few words about Goals - Part One

Last week, I saw my June 30 deadline looming for completing my 80,000 word goal in my novel-in-progress.

I admitted to Mantra Friend that I was worried about not hitting the goal by that date and how I would feel like a failure.

This friend has an uncanny ability to pull out just the right lecture at just the right time. He gave me a litany of things I have accomplished in the past six months as a counter to my failure argument.

He said, "This word count thing is worrying me. Are you writing for word count or for the story?"

I assured him that I was writing for the story and that there was more story to write. He made me repeat these words after him. I must admit I found them hard to say: I promise to...not look at my word count...until July 1...At which time...I will decide...what needs to happen next.

I stayed true to my promise. I wrote my page a day and felt liberated by the permission he gave me to not worry about the word count.

In the process, I named three new characters and wrote the back story for them plus two others. This work has informed my story for the past week and I am really happy with my progress.

The lesson here is: Goals are really important to getting a job done. They create momentum and energy and provide direction. But if taken out of context or too much emphasis is placed on the goal itself rather than the big picture, the goal can become a hindrance. It certainly had become one in my case. But now, I'm back to having a healthy outlook on my goal. I will get to 80,000 words when I get to 80,000 words. There is no room in this endeavor for feeling like a failure. As Mantra Friend reminded me last week, "You're the one that started this whole 80k thing. Nobody's put you up to it. Not even me. Six months ago there wasn't a story or characters. There were NO WORDS. Now you have all of it. Who cares how many words you have or when you reach your goal?"

I started writing this novel as a challenge to myself. Could I really do it? The surprise is that yes, I actually can. I cannot wait to print out this draft and begin to weave the story together.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Equine Assisted Learning - A Haven Reflection

My first interaction with Chester, Laura's horse, brought me to tears. I approached him and he shied away. B, who I affectionately refer to as the horse whisperer HW, asked me gently, "Do you know why he did that?" I shook my head.

"You weren't sure of boundaries, and your intention wasn't clear."

I immediately began to cry at the truth of this statement. I knew it without knowing it. I'd spent the past year learning about how my weak boundaries had caused me trouble in interpersonal relationships for years. I had made some great progress, but now, Chester was indicating I still had a ways to go. The realization felt heavy. The tears helped me take in all of this information explained in such new terms.

"It's okay. That's why you're here. These horses are here to help."

HW and her friend P helped the four of us Haven Retreaters--city dwellers and horse novices--learn about the amazing gifts horses were created to offer to humans. They are deeply in tune with energy fields and mirror what they perceive. That's why Chester shied away from me as I approached him. I WAS hesitant no matter how hard I tried to play it cool. I could fool myself, but not him.

They pointed out the particulars of what we were observing among the horses in the herd. Fascinating and big and divine. Those are the best words to describe it.

HW and her team led the horses we would work with into the arena. A melancholy and sleepiness washed over me as we observed the horses and prepared for our one-on-one time with the animals. They were huge. I'd never stood so close to horses before and their size was overwhelming.

HW gave us a chance to get used to the horses' presence and to watch them interact with each other and with her. Finally, HW looked at me and said, "Julie, which horse would you like to choose?"

I immediately wept. "I clearly have more work to do when it comes to standing up for myself and establishing my boundaries." I turned and pointed to the bigger horses. "I don't do things the easy way, so to learn what I apparently need to learn, I will choose one of the big horses." I made this speech through my tears. "I'll take Luke because that's my nephew's name, but what I'd really like to do is take that smaller horse. He scares me less."

HW looked at me with gentleness and said, "That is great self-awareness, but I would like to suggest that maybe sometimes you don't have to do things the hard way. If choosing Star makes you feel safer, choose Star." I appreciated her permission to be gentle with myself and agreed that Star was the horse for me.

I asked a question and HW asked me to walk away from the horses and humans to demonstrate her answer. After she was finished with her demonstration, I stayed in place.

And then THIS happened:

Suddenly, Luke, the horse I had first identified and then decided not to choose, chose me. HW reminded me to stand my ground, be firm in intention, which originates from the gut, and to breathe. Luke walked straight toward me and stopped inches away. We communed for what felt like a long time. And then as suddenly as Luke approached me, he turned and walked away confident that I had gotten from him what I needed.

HW beamed and told me she was proud of me and that it was time to approach Star, the smaller horse.

My time with Star was instructive too. He tested my boundaries and showed me what it looked like and felt like when I did not reinforce them for myself or others. He continued to test me, and I continued to be a willing student.

The other photos taken by HW's friend, Becky, capture my mellow, introspective demeanor in my hour with the horses. I was overwhelmed by what information the horses were mirroring for me. I was weary from the weeping. I was on sensory overload. But I was also proud of my accomplishments and ready to put them in practice when I returned to my regular life.

While equine assisted learning wasn't on my 4040 list, I know that the list has created internal space that makes me willing and open to experiences like this. I am blessed beyond measure for the opportunity to learn about myself on the page and away from it. The instructive moments provided by Chester, Luke, and Star will not soon fade.

16. Go to a Concert at Riverport (now called Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre) CHECK.

A few months ago a friend and I managed to get tickets for Taylor Swift's second show in STL for our daughters. Given the small fortune it took to make this amazing experience a reality, I decided that I would practice my word of the year GENTLE and overlook the fact that the TS concert was at a different venue, and allow it to count for my 4040 checklist.

And then a few days before Zac Brown Band was coming to the venue stipulated on my list, I scored two free tickets. I invited my friend, N, and she was able to join me.

Zac Brown Band was fantastic. They played such a great mix of new and familiar tunes. We sang along and swayed to the music. I commented that Zac Brown really has a voice for the Broadway stage. He's theatrical and engaging. And his band of brothers are entertaining as well.

My friend and I were in mellow moods and the crowd was not so big, so remaining seated most of the time did not hurt our view of the stage. We sat on the grass wrapped in blankets on a cool May evening, enjoyed world-class music, and took in the sights of other concert goers who seemed impervious to the cool temperature based on their choice of wardrobe. This was a moment when I realized that 40 really is old in some respects.

Yes, I actually wore this to a concert in May. That's what 40 does. It knows oneself and one's personal temperature gauge and says, "Wear the hand band. If you are cold, which likely you will be once the sun sets, you won't enjoy yourself." I was slightly self-conscious standing in line in the ladies room, but then a woman commented on the head band and noted that I looked warm and she was cold. Practicality DOES win out after all!

More than the set list of the evening and the way that Zac's musicianship makes my heart flutter, I will remember that I got to share really great music with a really great friend.