40. Blog about each activity - CHECK.

On reflection, this item is the activity that has changed me and my life the most. Before the 40/40list, I had this blog, but I wasn't sure what to say with it. I knew I wanted to chronicle my writing pursuits and the rejections I received as I was building a writing life. I planned to write about life and my observations in between rejections, but that seemed too broad and unfocused. In the sixteen months before last January, I published a total of 20 posts. In the past 12 months, I have published more than 180.

Blogging about my 40/40 list gave me a consistent topic on which to write. And the more I wrote about my year-long celebration and other life observations, my readership grew. For that I am deeply grateful. I honed my craft, chiseled my voice, and learned that people were interested in what I had to say. I have written hard truths in the past year. I feel braver and stronger and more sure of my self and my stance on things.

I am certain that I will be writing about the ways the 40/40 list has transformed me for many posts to come, but the following is my initial analysis.

As the list has come close to completion, people have asked me what activities have stood out over the course of the year. These are the ones that come readily to mind: (and like the list itself, in no particular order)

Physical activities: I did not expect to enjoy all of the physical activities I put on the list as much as I did. Curiosity put them on the list, but I never dreamed that I would actually like training for the 5K. I have signed up for a second session of ice skating lessons, and I am certain I'll take more tennis lessons as time and budget allow. These activities tested my perceptions about my athleticism and what I assumed was my lack thereof. They also reminded me of what impact my ten years of dance training had had on me after all.

Test driving the MINI Cooper: This was a fun day spent with a good friend. I never dreamed that I'd like driving a MINI Cooper as much as I did or that owning one could be possible.

Rereading the Anne of Green Gables series: Revisiting this book series felt like going home. I was reminded of just how important Anne was to me as I was growing up, making sense of the world, and my place in it at a vulnerable time for every girl. I related to her so much better than I did my peers at the time, and Anne gave me the courage and confidence to like being myself—no matter how different I felt from others my age. I also discovered the last two books in the series that I somehow was never curious about reading as a youth. I'm grateful that I explored these books in my fortieth year. I am certain that I appreciated them as an adult far more than I would have as a young girl. Rainbow Valley and Rilla of Ingleside felt like unexpected birthday gifts.

Ice Skating at Steinbergs: This was another gift. I did not expect Cadence to enjoy this so much. I will never forget the radiance on her face as we went around and around the rink. My daughter looking up at me and saying over and over, “This is the best day! I'm having so much fun, Mommy! Let's do this again, okay?”

Cooking activities: There were only three cooking related items on the list, but they made an impression on me. I got to share each one of them with special people and with each one my confidence in the kitchen grew. And then because of my successes, I was more willing to try new things and kind to myself when they didn't work out, and then my confidence grew more. I am a different woman in the kitchen at 41 than at 40. My next forty years have a lot of yummy goodness in store. I'm just sure of it.

Daily yoga: Four sun salutations every day taught me about patience, setting goals, and the power of incremental success. These lessons will be applied in other areas of life moving forward. Not to mention how great it feels to touch my toes every single day.

40 book list: I could not have predicted the trajectory my life would take by creating this simple list within a list. I chose the most meaningful forty books of my life thus far, then sent the link to one of the authors whose book made the list. In this year of taking opportunities and risks as they came my way, this message to the author opened the door to attending her retreat in Montana, which in turn opened the door to knowing myself and my craft better, having a new vision for my novel, and making special friendships—one in particular. I have stayed in constant contact with my friend Pamela, and she is coming to visit us in February. We're going to continue the conversation we started in Montana about writing and life and I am richer for her presence in my life. Saying yes to the unexpected things that come our way is a really fantastic way to spend this life.

When I started the list one year ago today, my blog's page views were just over 1,800. As of this week, I hit 16,000 page views. I asked the resident mathematician in my life to figure out what the percentage increase was. Jana did, and we both looked at each other, mouths agape. In one short 12-month period my blog's activity has increased by 780%! I'm calling that a success.

The greatest legacy of this list is knowing that I won't need to create another list to get stuff done in my life. The 40/40 list taught me that life is too good and too rich to sit by and be a spectator. I will continue to sampling new experiences—not because it's on a check list—simply because I want to.

Final item on this list: CHECK.

7. Do four sun salutations daily - CHECK.

I was hesitant about committing to daily yoga. I wasn't doing any yoga at home before January 2015. I only did yoga at my favorite yoga studio a few times a month. I really liked the energy that is cultivated in a room full of men and women who practice yoga, breathing and moving together. I just couldn't imagine thinking up a regular home practice. Then I contemplated the way I COULD add yoga to my home life. Four sun salutations seemed possible, but 365 days seemed daunting. 

Four sun salutations isn't very many, but what makes it something is its daily-ness. It didn't take long for me to realize I was on to something that would persist long after I crossed the activity off my list. I felt better every day for having this quiet, five-minute practice in my routine. Moving my body is important to counterbalance all the sitting and writing and contemplating I do.

Even though the list is completed as of today, the daily yoga will live on in my life. I am excited about the ways the four sun salutations will transform into other forms of practice as I feel ready to stretch myself—literally and figuratively.

As the list comes to a close, I've been thinking about the past year. I've thought a lot about how in some ways the year has gone by really quickly and in other ways very slowly. Marking time with a daily activity like my time on my mat has definitely slowed the time. I am really glad that I chose to mark each day's practice on a calendar. Otherwise, all of the days would have bled together and it would have been hard to remember when I made progress. 

I feel stronger and stretchier I ever have before. I am more limber. My head is clearer, more able to handle the stresses of daily life. I like thinking that at 41 I am stronger and more agile than ever before, and that with this small daily routine, I will continue to gain in strength and flexibility. 

A friend recently sent me this article.  I've been trying to pick out a good quote to include here, but the whole article is so good, it needs to be read in its entirety. Your daily things may be different from my writing and yoga, but his point remains the same. The important stuff must be a part of our daily routine.

Another friend sent this video yesterday.  It inspires me to keep working and stretching in my yoga practice. The old me would have watched this and said, “There's no way I'll ever be able to do that.” The 41-year-old me says, “Won't that be fun to work toward?” 

Just another way this list has transformed me.

4. Improve my forward bend - CHECK.

I want to be a yoga teacher someday in the not-so-distant future.

I understand that yoga teachers do not have to be able to do every pose well, but I have the expectation that as a yoga teacher I would at least be able to touch my toes. As of autumn 2015 when I put the list together, touching my toes was out of reach. When I began tracking my practice on January 3, 2015, my fingertips could not touch the mat without my legs bent. And there was great pain when I attempted it. I would do my daily yoga practice for a full two months before my legs would straighten in a forward bend. TWO months. To be able to now at 41 (one day shy) be able to touch my toes pretty much every day seems like an enormous achievement.

I purposely did not make “touch my toes” the goal because, honestly, I wasn't convinced it could happen. After all, for the ten years that I danced ballet, tap, and jazz as a youth and teenager, touching my toes was almost always out of reach. Yoga has taught me a lot about accepting where I am on a given day and in the case of forward bends, where my tight hamstrings are in the process. I knew that a daily practice of yoga would over time have to help improve my forward bend. The yoga mindset let it be okay with whatever progress came my way.

Four years ago I really wanted to be able to do the splits. In those four years, I have come to learn that not every body can do every yoga pose. My long tight legs just might not be the “splitting” kind, and I've made peace with that. Being flexible and loose enough to touch my toes regularly seems much more important to maintaining a strong, healthy body than being able to do the splits as I age.

Moving into 2016, I will continue to work on improving my forward bend. I have new things to which I aspire. Now that getting my fingertips to the mat with straight legs happens pretty much every day, my new milestone will be to place my hands flat on the floor when I bend forward. I know the power of consistent practice and incremental progress, so I don't have a deadline on when that will happen. I trust that in time, it will.

Photos made possible by the selfie stick my observant eight-year-old purchased for me at her Winter Warehouse gift experience at school.  I am including all of my attempts because I think it's hilarious.  What's most important to point out for the purposes of this post: My hands are touching my toes, and my legs are straight.

35. Lunch at Ibby's on Washington University's Campus - CHECK

Curiosity, more than anything, put this activity on my list. There was also a sense that if it wasn't on the list, I wouldn't ever take the time to check out this “fancy” restaurant on campus. It only seemed right to make a trip to campus (I work in an office building a mile from the main campus) with my two favorite work friends. We'd scheduled it once only to learn that Ibby's wasn't open on Mondays, and had to reschedule. 

Christa, Jana, and I chose another day about a month later. We each had something to celebrate: it was Jana's birthday, my 40/40 list, and Christa's upcoming new job in a different department.

There's not too much to say about this list item. I ate gourmet food with two of my favorite people, and Christa captured the meal with her big, non-iPhone camera. We chose the buffet for time's sake, and enjoyed the meal. Ibby's, named for the previous chancellor's late wife, was an interesting place. Not as fancy as I had expected—there were no cloth linens as I'd imagined—but also a high-priced lunch for students. I had imagined the restaurant would be filled with university dignitaries—administrators, parents, donors—and there were some. But the primary clientele was the student population.

Our conversation centered on our own college experiences. How college was long ago enough to not have swipe cards for meal plans—only for after-hours entrance into the dorms. I remembered for the first time in a long time the women who greeted us, marked off our Student IDs and clicked our appearance into the metal counter around her thumb.

When I talked about college like this, I felt like I was talking about pre-historic times. I was feeling my age again. Forty was feeling mentally old. That hasn't happened too often in the course of marking items off the list. 

I miss my college days and revel in how far I have come since those same days—all in the same moment. I often daydream about having an occasion when I can gather all the important people in my life from different stages and places into one room. I would make introductions. Help friends place names and faces. I would breathe in their love and affection. We would tell stories and we would laugh. 

We ordered three plates of bread pudding, which made me think of number two on mylist. Ibby's bread pudding was good and a great way to end the meal. I'm glad I added this to the list. It was a low-stress activity to cross off, and I had the best company.

14. Sing Sara B. song at Karaoke with Friends - CHECK.

Pre-concert notes:

It's just under three hours until my appointment with destiny otherwise known as my first public karaoke performance. I wasn't so worried about it when I put it on my 40/40 list more than a year ago, but in recent months I have really got myself worked up about having to go through with it.

I've dissected my reasons for the freak out. I can actually carry a tune. I sing at church. I sing in my car, and I sing in the shower. And in all of those places, I'm amazing. (wink wink) I sing all the time. I love music. I am uplifted by it and my life is enriched by it. But generally never sing for an audience (except Cadence and whomever else may ride in my car with me.)

I know myself well enough to know that I WANT to be a great performer, but that when the moment comes, I'm likely to get shy, sing softly, and wow no one.

I have been practicing for months. In my car. And again, in the car singing with Sara Bareilles, I sound amazing. But best I can tell, Sara B. will not be there tonight, so I have to go it alone.

A dear group of friends has scoped out the karaoke bar (and insisted that I follow through with this event) and they are looking so forward to the evening. I am trying hard to catch their enthusiasm. This list item is reminding me just how far I have to go in the “take oneself less seriously” department. Oh my, I still have so, so far to go.

And so tonight is just one more baby step in that direction. I'm going to be BRAVE and sing Sara Bareilles's song of the same word. Because the lyrics. Have you read the lyrics? They're amazing.

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don't run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence
Won't do you any good
Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty
Why don't you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out

Did Sara write this one for me? She captured so beautifully the ways I have struggled. I have held my tongue. I have lived in a cage of my own creation. I do have a history of silence. And yet, in this my 40^th year, I summoned the courage to let the light in in ways I never thought I could and I am thriving.

That's why it was so important that for this first selection, I chose to sing this particular song. For my second selection, I chose Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance with Somebody. This song has been a part of my life's soundtrack for nearly 30 years, so there wasn't as much practicing to be done. The words would come easier, and since I'm no Whitney Houston, I didn't feel any pressure to live up to her performance.

Post-event:

It is true what is said about anticipation of dreaded events. The anticipation is almost always worse than the actual thing one is dreading. Such was the case with #14 on the 40/40 list.

I jzhujed my hair, borrowed my daughter's glitter eye shadow, applied a temporary tattoo that read “Love rewards the brave,” and put on an outfit I feel comfortable in. When I arrived at Timothy's Irish Pub, two of my friends were getting acquainted.

This 40/40 celebration has reinforced time and again what an amazing tribe of friends I have. And the karaoke event was the latest indication. One writer friend, one church friend, and four girl scout friends plus one of their friends made up my entourage for the evening. One friend bought me a fancy drink and the other took the lead in getting me signed up for my performances.

Because I was a karaoke newbie, I did not have to go first, thank goodness. This was helpful because watching others sing gave me confidence that I did not need to be great at it to get through it. My heart raced and I could feel my legs shaking—partially from the chill in the pub but mostly from nerves.

This venue became its own character in the story of the evening. It was cold, dark, and smoky. Once the music started playing, it was loud too. To say that my table's worth of friends “classed up the joint” doesn't begin to describe how out of place we were, and yet this evening it didn't seem to matter. My friend, Greg, who was sitting next to me sent me the funniest texts throughout the evening, since the music was so loud it was hard to carry on conversation.

“Oh my word what. is. this. Music.” What this music was was a lot of death metal and stuff that made Sara Bareilles and Whitney Houston selections very out of place. 

I heard my name and was called to the stage. I walked to the microphone, took it from its stand and stood in the dark waiting for the lyrics to load on the screen and the music to start. I practiced yoga on that stage. I breathed and tried to relax the tension I felt throughout my body.

My entourage cheered for me and even the strangers at the other table got into my act. I was shy and scared and messed up throughout the first song, but as I heard myself sing and recognize that no amount of practicing was ever going to result in me sounding amazing like Sara Bareilles, I gave up and owned sounding okay. There were several silent places where I lost track of the music, but then when I caught up, I threw caution to the wind. I started dancing, gesturing, and embracing my not-so-great singing. I remembered thinking, “I sound terrible, but I don't care. I'm doing this thing and soon the song will be over and I'll be able to cross it off the list.”

When the song ended, I curtsied like I had in dance recitals thirty years ago, replaced the mic on the stand and rejoined my tribe who were beaming. They scooped me up in hugs and “great jobs.” Even the strangers at the next table shouted congratulations to me.

I sat back down in my seat, sipped my red solo cup of water, and waited for my heart rate to slow. I was relieved it was over, but also a little bit exhilarated. But mostly relieved. 

Another text from Greg: “I want to record this dude and make him my alarm...I would never oversleep again.”

We spent the evening cheering on all the other performers including some among our group. And then I heard, “Well, she's not a virgin anymore, let's welcome Julie back to the stage.” I returned to the stage a little braver and sure that I could tackle the lyrics of I Wanna Dance with Somebody better than I had my first song. 

 

I started dancing to the music immediately and had a lot more fun with this song. Again, it was such a departure from the other song choices. I projected better and even looked at the audience more.

During the second verse my friends came up on stage and danced and provided back up singing, which added to my confidence and my performance quality.

The song ended, I curtsied again and stepped off the stage. This time I was elated. I'd gotten the hang of this singing badly in public and #14 was officially off the list. 

I started making my way toward the door around 11:00, but then a stretch of good songs began playing and my friends and I just kept singing along to the music and dancing. 

Half an hour later, I headed out the door with two friends. We stood in the dark parking lot. We talked about the 40/40 list and how it was almost complete. We also talked about writing because that's what we do and who we are. While we stood there, a man came out of the pub and approached me. “I wanted to let you know there's someone inside that would like to meet you if you're interested. If not, no problem.”

I looked at my friends, laughed, and said, “Well, that's lovely, but I don't think so. Thank you.”

 

The messenger was gracious, and returned into the warm, smoky cave. I looked at my friends somewhat in disbelief and thought, “Well, this just made my blog post much more interesting.” I was flattered, but knew there was no way a successful match could originate from Timothy's. I thought as this was happening, there is not a single person in that pub who would want to discuss Millard Fillmore, the next president on my reading list. I'm looking for people who are interested in talking about the presidents.

Days later I am still relieved this activity is over, but also reflecting on just how much FUN I had. My friends made the evening very special. I was impressed and delighted by the way they loved me by befriending each other. It was really wonderful to witness and be a part of. It was also good for me to be out of my comfort zone too.

Unlike Trapeze, I really do think I would do karaoke again, and next time I would not approach it with so much trepidation. 

 

The next morning this text arrived from Renee: “So fun last night! You are now OFFICIALLY a Rock Star!!! 

Fluffed hair and temp tattoo, "Love rewards the brave."

Greg and me

Pre-performance

 

 

Waiting nervously on stage.

Blurry, but proof that I was on stage.

Renee and me

The whole group

36. Ice Skate at Steinberg Rink in Forest Park - CHECK.

I was tempted to cross off #36 on my own over my lunch hour. I am so glad I decided against such a practical, bland option. As we approached the ice, Cadence kept saying, “I'm scared. Oh, I'm scared. Hold my hand. Stay close to me.” But then she got on the ice and pretty much didn't look back. She took to ice skating the way she has taken to almost everything else—immediately. 

 

It would seem that as we skated on the Steinberg Ice Rink in Forest Park to cross the item off the list, a new tradition was born.

I took the day before Thanksgiving as a vacation day because I was getting close to losing vacation days and because Cadence was out of school and I wanted to spend the day before our first holiday apart with her. I envision us spending the day before Thanksgiving on the ice in Forest Park in coming years. I love new traditions!

I didn't spend much time practicing what I've been learning in my classes. There were too many people with too many varying skill levels. I was determined to be available for Cadence and to not fall down myself. But I do look forward to when I have more skill and tricks on the ice. 

 

We spent nearly three hours on the ice. She kept looking up at me with a smile on her face. “I am having such a good time. This is the best day. Thank you for paying for our skates.” That girl, and her awareness of things like cost of skates, takes my breath away constantly.

The warm temperature (upper 50s) created a layer of water on the ice so when Cadence fell, her mittens, and then the mittens I loaned her got soaked. Luckily it was warm enough outside that we could go without them (though you know I would have preferred warm dry mittens.)

While it was warm for November, the wind was strong and made the day feel cooler than it was. 

 

We took a break for hot chocolate (nothing warm about the hot chocolate—tongues were burned and ice obtained to cool down the drinks), and then we walked to the firepit outside the rink. The giant fire pit was cozy, and would be a welcome relief on a day when fingers and toes sting with frigid temperatures.

We stopped two other times. Once to approach a local reporter and her cameraman to cover the season opening of the rink. Cadence was ready to walk right up to the reporter. She stood by as she watched other little girls talk with the reporter. The camera was positioned just outside the rink. I never dreamed we'd be seen in the background b-roll of this newscast, but we were! You can see a fuzzy pink coated girl with a teal stocking cap and her black vested mama in a denim skirt skating a few feet behind her. That's us!

I marveled at how quickly she picked up the skating. And how tough she was when she fell down. She hit the ice pretty hard with her knees a few times. That night she lamented the bruising and how tender her knees were, but she still smiled hours later. 

 

My child would still be skating if I would have let her. Three hours on the ice wore me out, but man, did we have a good time. I've promised her we'll go again this season. “And let's not plan to do anything, but skate all day,” Cadence added.

 

My list has expanded my horizons, but it's also expanded my daughter's. And for that I am deeply grateful.

Two days later, we were in the car headed to visit our grandfather. She was sitting in the backseat with my computer on her lap.  "Whatcha workin' on?" I asked her.  

"I'm writing about my ice skating experience." my girl answered.  She agreed to share her account on my blog. Enjoy!

on wednesday I got to go ice skating with my mom . It was so much fun. I fell a couple times but it did not really hurt. I got a lot of bruses on my knees. A lot of people dropped their phone and got wet. My mom taught me some tricks, like the swizzle, that she has been learning at her ice skating classes . The people dropped their phone because they were acting crazy and fell and dropped their phone in the puddles on top of the ice. There was also a fire pit. Me and my mom got to have really good hot coco. It was really GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was really fun.

On our way to the ice. Look, she's still standing!

My brave girl trying something new.

I can see the future teen and young woman in that face.

We added this pin to our travel collections.  Tourists in our own town.

She wanted so badly to talk with the news reporter.

That smile says it all.

30. Take a Dierberg Cooking Class – REVISED & CHECK.

I have attempted to schedule two separate cooking classes at two family-owned grocery chain cooking schools in the past two months. The first time the class was cancelled and the second time the class was sold out. I had one tiny moment of panic as I thought about my January 3 deadline to complete all the items on the 40/40 list, and then I thought about Nicole's kitchen.

I have spent a lot of time with my friend in her kitchen over the past year, and what I realized is that I have learned so much from watching her ably and joyfully create healthy, simple meals for her family of six without great distress or overwhelm. My daughter has eaten with her children and come home and said, “I don't mean to hurt your feelings, Mom, but I love eating Aunt Nicole's food. She's a good cooker.”

Being mentored by Nicole has taught me more than I could ever learn in a three-hour class with a $45 registration fee, and so since I am the creator and keeper of the list, I'm counting #30 completed with revisions. It's not how I envisioned crossing this item off my list, but I see now that the main objectives—to feel more confident and more skilled—have been achieved gradually over the course of the year.

Cadence is absolutely right. Nicole is a wonderful cook. Being in her presence in her cozy kitchen has been healing for me. I have experienced peace and gained confidence that I could be a good "cooker" in my own kitchen just by spending time in hers.

I spent Thanksgiving afternoon being her sous chef and head dish washer. I think of that afternoon with pure joy. I asked questions as the afternoon ticked by and as she worked her way through her menu.

This decision also marks an improvement in my ability to not always follow the arbitrary rules I set up for myself, which might be the greater lesson or accomplishment to come out of this item.

I have loved spending time in kitchens this year. They don't feel so foreign anymore. I'm comfortable in my kitchen in a way I've never been. I have a much more playful, adventuresome attitude and that has been refreshing and reassuring to experience. I have goofed up some recipes in this year too, and I have not loathed myself the way I have in the past.  I've done what I could in the moment to improve the mistake and reminded myself it's okay if the food wasn't salvageable.  Progress, I tell you, progress.

This new-found confidence and joy has opened up the opportunity for me to welcome four college students into my home and my kitchen. Just the other night, I baked an egg casserole (and tweaked it to be vegetarian-friendly all on my own), made a cranberry side dish, and served toast, juice, and tea for these sweet students. I accomplished that on two days notice, under the weather with a cold, and working full-time. My ability to plan ahead and choose recipes that I know I can handle in varying degrees of difficulty and time constraints is a skill I have honed. Our guests had positive things to say about the food, and I experienced the joy of expressing my love and affection through a prepared meal. I have come so far.

Christmas dinner & decorating with "my kids."

It makes me think of the quote from Glinda in the Wizard of Oz, “You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it yourself.”

I had to stop telling myself what I couldn't do, allow space to make mistakes, and breathe in the possibility that preparing food could become a source of comfort, peace, and joy. My confidence building was helped along by the 40/40 items to bake bread pudding and make pie crust from scratch.

I have identified two areas in cooking that I'd like to learn more about: how to grill and and how to bake fish. If I can find a course, I'll consider signing up for one of those, but I'll also just keep asking questions and trying to learn on my own and with the help of my beloved cooking friends.

20. Rent a MINI Cooper - Revised - CHECK

When I was around thirty, I declared that the next car we bought would be a MINI Cooper when I was forty. Well here I am ten years later with a daughter, different financial obligations, and a vehicle that is paid off. This isn't the right time to add a car payment to the mix, and plus, I really like my pathfinder.  I have dreams of buying a kayak and hauling it on top.  I'm sure a MINI Cooper wouldn't want that kind of responsibility.

I put the MINI Cooper on the 4040 list as a nod to that dream that seemed impossible to achieve. The rental scenario fell through, so my friend Dan offered to test drive one with me. So in the spirit of knocking a few things off the list in pairs, I added the test drive to my train trip weekend. When this year is over and people ask me the highlights of the list, the MINI Cooper test drive will be one of the first things I name.

For one thing, I'd gotten it in my head (without doing any homework) that MINIs were way too expensive or at least more than I would dream of paying. A quick look around the dealership quickly expunged that notion. Since I am content with a used MINI, I definitely could afford one.

We picked out a 2012 black two-door MINI with heated seats and a moon roof. Those are really the only “extra features” I care about. Tom, the sales guy that approached us, was lovely. While we waited for the car, I perused the postcard stand of MINI brochures and picked out some as souvenirs. 

This one is a little plain, but I could add some stripes.

Inside the car: You're becoming a classic. Happy Birthday.

Tom told us the price, which was three thousand less than the listed price. What?!? Now I really could afford the car! 

The car was a manual, which I can drive, but it had been awhile. I pulled out of the dealership without killing the engine, thank goodness. The dealership is located just up the road from the first apartment complex I lived in when I graduated from college and moved to Kansas City.

“You know where we're going first?” I asked Dan.

“Your old apartment?”

“Yep.”

As we headed south on the frontage road, I commented on what a smooth drive it was. 

“Your pathfinder is a truck, Julie. Of course, this is going to feel smoother.”

We pulled into the old complex, took a picture of my apartment and drove through the complex. At one point, I had to reverse, and for the life of me I couldn't remember how, and certainly not in the MINI. Dan shifted it in reverse for me and we made our way out of the complex and continued driving. 

Georgetown Apartments - my first "grown up" home

At a stoplight with my friend, Dan.

“I can't believe how much I am enjoying this. I don't feel cramped or too tall for the car. I want one. Dan, I'm going to get one someday.” 

“It's your porsche.”

“It really is. I've never cared about cars, but this is so cool.”

“The only problem is you haul a lot of stuff in your pathfinder. I don't know if you could go to something so small,” Dan reminded me.

I turned left onto a residential street and sped up. “You're enjoying this car,” Dan said. He reached up and covered the speedometer with his hands. “Guess how fast you're going.” I kept driving and then he told me to slow down when he saw the “Radar Enforced” speed limit sign. Dan's an attorney. He didn't want to have to help me out of a speeding ticket.

I turned back toward the dealership and was stopped at a red light. The intersection had a slight incline. When the light turned green, I killed the engine. I wanted to die of embarrassment. I really had hoped to not do that—especially with a “car guy” in my passenger seat. I got going again, and Dan assured me he would have done the same thing on that hill.

We returned the car and talked to Tom for awhile. I had some concerns about the size of the backseat and how comfortable it would be for Cadence. We checked out the size of the hatchback, and I was delighted that I wouldn't lose all hauling capabilities.

Before we'd started this adventure, Dan had advised me to follow his lead knowing that generally speaking dealerships are not female-friendly. It was entertaining to stand back and listen to Dan and Tom talk cars. Several times, I heard words like turbo and cylinders and thought, “They might as well be speaking German. I have no idea what they are talking about.”

Dan told Tom, “She's in the really early stages of considering the MINI, but could we have your card?” We thanked Tom for his time and the opportunity to test drive the car and walked back to Dan's car.

“Well, times have certainly changed. That low pressure approach is a welcome change to how it used to be,” Dan observed.

“If that's how they all are, I could buy a car by myself,” I said.

“The most important thing you have to know going into a dealership is your number. Know your number and don't budge on it. If they won't meet you there, then you leave.”

“Can I quote you on that in my blog post?” I asked.

“Sure.”

Number 20 DONE.

31. Take a Train Trip

Why do I love train travel so much? Because it appeals to my sense of adventure and romance.  For a writer, trains offer all sorts of characters and rich opportunities for people watching.  On a train, time passes differently.  There are fewer hassles.  No arriving two hours early, waiting in security lines, and the people dropping you off can wait with you and take you right to the train door.  On a train, you can make your way from car to car, take a bio break, buy a snack, and still make progress toward the destination. 

I took reading material for every mood.  A novel, two writing books, back issues of a magazine.  I carried my laptop and my yoga mat.  I did Friday's page-a-day early in my trip.  I dozed. I stared out the window.  I breathed easier. I thought about a lot of things: my cross country trips to Los Angeles and Seattle, my trip to Michigan with my daughter a few years ago.  I thought about the people waiting for me in Lee's Summit.  How much I love them and how happy I was to see them after all these years. I thought about my book and my next steps.

I took photos along the way. They are my postcards from this trip. 

Waiting for the train in Kirkwood

Waiting to board

The view from my seat as the train pulled away from the station

One of my favorite photos - Jefferson City

Off the train in Lee's Summit

Train moves on to Independence and Kansas City

There are more stories that fill in the space between when I got off the train in Lee's Summit and got back on two days later.  I'll share them in separate posts.

I had a great weekend. I felt refreshed. My bucket had been filled with good conversation, uproarious laughter, and even some tears.  I was happy and melancholy as I boarded the train to head home. I didn't want the weekend to end. I turned on my music and watched the sun set.  Train travel lets you ease back into the real world slowly. When it was dark and there wasn't anything else to watch out the window, I settled into finishing the novel I was reading.  I wrote my page-a-day. I day dreamed. I cat-napped.  I reflected on what a fantastic weekend I had.  The four-and-a-half hours zoomed by.  It felt like time travel.

The 4040 list keeps reminding me that I don't have to wait for special occasions to slip these trips and activities into my regular life. I won't let years pass before I take another train trip.

I didn't want the weekend to end, but I had another trip to look forward to

Arrived in Kirkwood - ahead of schedule

32. Donate a Heifer to Heifer International - CHECK

On a piece of Aboriginal art stationery, I made a list of “life goals.” I didn't date it, but Motherhood was the first item on the list, so I'm guessing it's at least ten years old. Number three on the list is: Donate a cow to Heifer International as frequently as possible. In these ten plus years, I have not donated a single cow or even a portion of a cow, so placing this goal on the 4040 list ensured that I would finally do it. 

As the months passed and my life and finances changed dramatically I wondered how I was going to swing a $500 donation. I had the money in savings, but I questioned whether that was the right move at this time. And then a little miracle in the form of assisting my friend Christa at a wedding came along—twice. This was unexpected income and right away I knew what I would do with it. My trips to Indianapolis and Lake of the Ozarks to carry lenses and wrangle self-absorbed Mothers-of-the-Bride were transformed into my donation to Heifer International.

Heifer International takes the “teach a man to fish” approach to helping those in need. It is this philsophy that I was drawn to when I was an active member of our campus chapter of Habitat for Humanity twenty years ago. 

A few months ago, I read a back issue of Heifer's World Ark magazine. Every issue is a great read with beautiful photography, which captures the people Heifer serves in vivid color and detail.  The profiles and stories it shares from the field always stick with me.

This is when I met Dalia, a woman from Rwanda who has experienced unimaginable horror. Her photograph struck me as I realized she and I are the same age. Look at that face. She is radiant. And thriving because the gift of a goat came into her family's life. That gift first improved the family's nutrition. The gift of a goat also transformed her into a businesswoman. 

I haven't stopped thinking about Dalia and how different our lives and experiences are. On days when my life seems daunting in some way, I think about Dalia and gain perspective. If she can make her way through her circumstances, so can I. I also remember that I am in a position to help, and so I want to do what I can, when I can--joyfully.

I am grateful I put donating a heifer on my 4040 list. I wouldn't have thought that donating money and running a race or hanging upside down on the trapeze would share commonalities, but they did for me. They were goals that stretched me and required me to think creatively and to trust myself. I have proved to myself once again—soon it will be forty times over—just what I am made of: determination, grit, optimism, creativity, and more. Knowing this about myself seems like a good return on investment. I look forward to fulfilling the “as frequently as possible” part of the life goal.

PS: Curious about what other items were on that ten-year old life list?

Organizing business as sustainable income

Take a Heifer study tour
Maintain healthy fingernails
Have a home open to anyone in need
Be a tourist in my own town
Take cello lessons
Accumulate less/more love
Live simply

21. Participate in write31days.com Writing Challenge - CHECK

When I put this item on the 4040 list, I did not have a daily writing practice. It felt like a stretch goal for sure, but one I was certain I was up for. I didn't have a topic, but I figured I had a year to figure that out. 

Fast forward a year, and I DID have a writing practice and a topic, “31 Reflections of a First-Time Novelist. I also had a bit of arrogance. “I write every day. This should be easy.”

Except it wasn't. Yes, I write every day. But I don't write audience-ready material every day. This is where the surprise challenge and fatigue came in for me. But I persevered.  I reminded myself of the big picture and kept at it. 

The challenge held other surprises for me. I was a newbie to this 31 dayer community and its Facebook participation. I figured I'd take a backseat and watch more seasoned people do their thing while I learned the ropes. I did not anticipate taking the role of cheerleader and encourager. 

It was uncomfortable hearing so much negative self-talk. A lot of bloggers had put unbelievable pressure on themselves and they expressed feelings of failure almost before the challenge began. I wasn't witnessing much joy in the process, which made me sad because my writing practice is drenched in joy.

I know why these sentiments made me so uncomfortable. I recognized my earlier self in them. These feelings of perfectionism and shame and guilt and aggravation had long been a part of my self talk and I didn't even realize it. I see now why I always felt a sense of inertia. I couldn't muster the energy to propel myself forward in my pursuits, whether it was writing or in simply washing the dishes some days. Of course, I couldn't manage forward motion. My negativity had me mired in the muck. I have worked hard—with the help of friends—at recognizing this BS and turning that noise down. My life is so enriched because of that one move. I was sad to see that this negative self talk was an obstacle for others.

I thought about Laura Munson and the impact of her positivity and mentorship. I decided early in the challenge that Laura's was going to be my approach in this community. I wasn't going to stand by as other women got mired in their negativity. I knew they were the only ones who could change it, but I wasn't going to sit by idly listening to it. I challenged them, as others have done for me, by encouraging them to take a walk (a strategy straight from Dan, my writer-coach-friend), take a deep breath, and forge ahead. 

I felt like a broken record when women started lamenting how far behind they were in the challenge. 

I typed these words over and over when I heard their worry over missing a day or seven:

“In a month or a year you will have created a collection of 31 posts. At that time, it will not matter how long it took to create the collection. Take a break, take a breath, and then get back to it. You can do this!”

Before this challenge, I would not have envisioned myself assuming this role, but after 270+ days of writing daily, I felt I'd earned the credibility to speak up. I could see in new ways just how valuable Dan's encouragement and challenges to my beliefs about my abilities has been. 

I will admit to feeling some impatience too. While I don't know this for certain, I have a sense that a lot of participants have more flexibility in their days, meaning they don't get up and go to a job outside their home.  While they are busy, they have more control over their daily schedules.  I have a day job and a 90-minute round trip commute, and I managed to get my posts published most days by 7 a.m. I had to stop paying attention to Facebook complaints about how difficult it was to get the day's post completed.

I came to appreciate how a specific topic can make the writing challenge easier to navigate. I suspect for many women, they had picked a broad topic which made it harder to decide how to approach each day's writing for 31 consecutive days. The blogs I chose to follow were also very specific and I didn't get the same sense from these bloggers that they were struggling with what to write each day. Having drafted an editorial calendar for my posts was definitely a key to my success. I didn't follow it to the letter, but it served as a guide and helped me with setting a pace for my overall story and made sure that I was covering everything I wanted to say about writing my novel.

This challenge taught me that I have a lot to learn about the tech side of blogging. There are a lot of improvements I need to make. But I didn't try to add that to my list of to-dos during the month of October. I kept my focus on the writing and will whittle away at the blog improvements in the coming year. It was a situation of learning what I didn't know I didn't know. But now I do, and I can make incremental progress toward a more sophisticated blog. 

If I decide to participate again, it will only be if I can find a specific enough topic that I can write about with fresh, separate posts for 31 days. Right now, I have no idea what that will be, which is equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. 

I have made new connections over the past month, and I am excited to continue building relationships and readership through this community. I am really proud of my final product—my collection of 31 posts about writing a novel for the first time. It will be fun to re-read the posts as my writing life expands and includes experiences I cannot even imagine today. I am so glad I found this challenge, put it on the list, and can mark it off.