Saying More with Less

It started with “I think.” Mantra friend encouraged me to eliminate this phrase from my writing and my speaking. The rationale is that “thinking” something is non-committal. It's passive. Not declarative. Thinking something shies away from taking a stand on what you know or believe.

I'll use the following sentences as an example:

I think Sherlock is the best show on television.

vs.

Sherlock is the best show on television.

The “I think” casts doubt about whether I really believe it or not...maybe there's another show I like better. Starting the sentence off with “I think” could mean I just haven't made up my mind yet.

The second sentence is an assertion. Since I am the one saying it, the fact that I think it is implied. I don't need to say it. Sherlock is the best show on television.

Removing this word from my lexicon has changed the way I interact with the world. Is it really possible that one little word can make a difference? Yes, it is.

Mantra friend has been relentless about keeping the “I thinks” from escaping my lips or being typed. Once I texted “I think...” Mantra friend texted back “Wanna try that again?”And so I would rephrase my sentence with stronger, more declarative words. I'll admit, at first it was annoying, but then I noticed that I felt better expressing myself in this new way.

Now it's a word game. We call it WWT for short. It's a war against passive, wishy-washy speech and writing. Mantra Friend has had more practice at it, so I especially like catching when he slips up. His occurrences are infrequent. I am vigilent about keeping it out of my sentences both written and spoken. I back space the word and rephrase in texts. I've even caught my characters saying it and rephrase the words they say!

Shortly after I replaced “I think” with stronger declarations like “I know” and “I believe,” we expanded the banned word list to include “I'm sorry.” (Now we call the game WWTS) To be clear, this does not mean that removing “I'm sorry” means that I do not offer sincere expressions of sympathy or no longer correct my mistakes. The “I'm sorrys” that we've removed are the ones that are especially prominent in the speech patterns of women. These sorrys weaken speech by making us apologetic about things for which we are not at blame. The use of these “I'm sorrys” erode confidence and a sense of empowerment.

I explained to Mantra Friend recently that I listen for violations of WWTS with other people. Some times I mention it, but most of the time I let it go. He asserted that I should correct everyone. I generally have a subtler approach until the other evening.

At my first tennis practice I decided to take a stand against the flagrant use of “sorry.” I was doing a drill with another student and I noticed that every time one of us missed a shot and had to chase a ball, we would say “Sorry.” I stopped and said, “Here's the deal. We're both beginners. Of course we're going to miss shots, and go chasing balls. No more saying I'm sorry. Okay? There's no need to say it. We're learning. It's part of the process.” Christine laughed. “Oh, gosh, we were saying that. I can't promise I won't slip up and say it, but you're right. We shouldn't be saying it.” And so our tennis practice continued without apology. It was glorious, freeing. We had nothing for which to apologize.

The game continues to expand. WWTS has grown to WWTSTG. We've also removed “I'm trying” and “I guess.” These phrases are also passive, non-committal. They do not promote bold, active living.

The “Try” word is a tricky one for me the recovering perfectionist. I have become aware recently of just what large portion of my life has been spent not doing any number of things for fear of doing them wrong or not quite right. My aversion to cooking is one such example. It's agonizing to contemplate, so I'm simply not rehashing it. Instead, I'm writing a novel. I've ordered the rear hatch struts for my Pathfinder and will be replacing them myself this weekend. I am sampling new recipes. I'm going to help paint the nursery at church. I'm training to run a 5k. In all of these endeavors, I am not trying. I am doing. And should something not work just right, I plan to ask for help (especially with the struts.) But removal of this word alone is changing my life. I am challenging myself to do things I previously believed I was incapable of or allowed others to convince me that I was ill-prepared for. No more! This doesn't change the fact that life is still scary and uncertain, but it does enhance that life is also absolutely blissful and intoxicating.

Seeking perfection is a losing battle and a boring one at that. The good stuff happens in the mistakes and the creative ways of correcting them or turning something not-so-right into something beautiful. The mistakes sharpen us, make us pay closer attention, and fine tune us if we let them.

After all, bold, active, unapologetic living is where the best of life is found. It's where raspberry bread pudding gets baked. It's where an afternoon is spent with my best friends – laughing, crying, and making new friends. It's where I prove to myself that I AM a runner. It's where I prove that I indeed have something to say that others want to read. It's where I'm learning that the forties are indeed fabulous.

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

- Yoda

Goal Keeping

After creating the 4040 list, I have added other goals that require regular progress reports to help keep me motivated and on track. I've shared my 2012 Audrey Hepburn calendar marking my daily yoga practice.

Last week my sister sent me a miniature Yoga Kittens calendar as a joke. She knows I ABHOR cats, but since they are demonstrating yoga poses, it makes it okay. I decided this would be the calendar I use to mark my novel-in-progress word count. On Wednesday, March 4 I hit 20,055 words! This is 25 per cent toward my 80,000 word goal. It felt momentous. So some little kitties (the only form of domestic felines I can tolerate) are helping me mark my progress.

For Christmas, my dear Marcela from college, sent me a miniature calendar of splendid Australian scenery. This calendar will mark my blog readership progress toward my goal of 40,000. On January 3, I was at 1,864 pageviews. Today the tally is 3,759.

From day to day I really am not sure how I'm keeping all of these balls in the air. My primary answer is that it is feeding my soul and my intellect, so it's worth all of the effort.

It crosses my mind regularly just exactly how am I going to spend 2016 when this 4040 list is complete and my page-a-days have become a manuscript. When this thought comes to mind, I take a deep breath and remember that that question will be answered in 2016, and for now I have plenty to keep track of. These awesome calendars are helping.

Training - An Update

I had some extra light and extra time after work yesterday, so I decided to make use of both and cross off another training run from my Couch 2 5k training app.

Silly me, I didn't take into account that the path on the Katy Trail wouldn't EXACTLY be runner/cyclist ready after our five inches of snow three days ago.

Undeterred, I decided to do my run/walk rotation on the wet pavement that was clear. I figured this short back-and-forth circuit on the bridge parallel to the traffic wasn't really any different from the monotony of a high school track, so I launched out.

It was great! I had Sia's 1000 Forms of Fear album in my ear. The evening rush hour buzzed above me, and I had a great view of the Missouri River.

Not long into my run, I got a call from my daughter. She was calling to tell me that she "clipped up" and landed on OUTSTANDING in school. The excitement and pride in her voice was palpable. This is a coveted level of good behavior, so I congratulated her while I walked/ran. We said goodbye, and I kept going.

I ran Week 2 Day 2, which included a rotation of 90 seconds of jogging, 2 minutes of walking. Perhaps I was distracted by the altered state of the path, the traffic, and the river, but I managed the run/walk without a single moment of "Oh man, this is getting hard. How much longer do I have to go?" Granted, I have not yet worked up to the distance I'll need for the race, but I still think this is good.

What's happening is I'm enjoying the practice and looking forward to the next one. I DID NOT EXPECT THIS DEVELOPMENT when I put "Run a 5k" on my list. I am so determined to run the entire time and make my B-I-L proud of me that these things urge me on.

I do not care about my race time on May 2. What I care about is running the entire race. If I must walk a short time, I will grant myself that luxury, but I am determined to RUN the entire time. My B-I-L's encouragement runs laps in my mind as I run. It really is such a help, and I am so grateful.

I was delighted to find these locks on the fence overlooking the river. A little slice of Paris right here on the Katy Trail.

This photo is grainy because I was losing light, but I like capturing myself smiling after working out. It's such a new vision of myself.

PS: This is the first time I remembered my mittens, and OH MY what a difference they made! My three layers on my head and two pairs of leggings didn't hurt either.

Two Months' Worth of Sun Salutations

The third of the month marks a particular milestone in pursuit of completing 4040 list. As of today I have done sun salutations for two months. My total thus far is 258 sun salutations.

The metaphors for life that yoga presents are endless. The past few days I've been contemplating how different every single sun salutation is from the rest. The first one is usually especially tight and the last one is generally the loosest. But in the middle, if I concentrate on my heels coming closer to the mat, that rotation will be different from the one where I think about making sure my shoulders are firmly pulled and squeezed together on my back.

Understanding and accepting that my practice will always present different challenges and different joys reminds me that off my mat I will find the same. A day at work, moments with my daughter, interactions with my friends and family, sitting in front of my laptop writing my novel - none of these regular moments will remain constant. New variables will enter that will shift how that interaction or moment looks. And just as I'm okay with that on my mat, I'm growing evermore okay with it off my mat.

My favorite yoga class has been discontinued. It was held on Sunday afternoons when childcare was not an issue. It was the way I marked and honored my sabbath. Things change. Schedules change. Nothing stays the same. My 258 sun salutations are moving me closer to cracking open my Yoga Journal magazine and trying out one of the prescribed home practices outlined monthly. Before the 4040 list, tackling a home practice seemed daunting and unrealistic. I so love the energy in the room practicing yoga at the studio. I couldn't imagine practicing at home. Alone.

And yet. For two months I have done that very thing. I have done a wee little yoga practice on my own. And it's been wonderful. It has nourished me. My body is getting stronger. My mind and spirit are stronger for the practice, and I am happy.

My daughter offered unsolicited one day last week, "Mom, your bottom is half straight. I don't mean to look at your bottom, but I bet your teachers look at your bottom in class. It's probably the best you've ever done, Mom."

I'm not exactly sure what she was trying to articulate with the "bottom half straight" comment. I suspect she's noticing that my legs are straighter than they've been in the past, and I was facing away from her, so bottom was the first thing that came to mind. But what I love most is the fact that she's paying attention and paid me a sincere, encouraging compliment.

This practice is all good. All. Good.

#38 Take a Home Depot Workshop - COMPLETE

Saturday my friend Erin and I met for breakfast at Denny's. We ate our grand slams quickly, thanked our server who'd helped us get our order in and turned around pronto, and headed to Home Depot for our Basic Electrical Skills workshop.

We chose the class because Erin had real life questions to answer about how to do some basic electrical jobs in her house, and I wanted to face down my fear of electrocution.

Both objectives were met and then some.

Home Depot wasn't prepared for us, but their staff were very attentive and made it happen. We were introduced to Jim, a retired electrician. He was full of information, and we helped quell his frustration about his lack of preparation by peppering him with our questions.

We were also joined by Steve from India, a dad with two boys who regularly attends the Saturday kids workshops. Steve and I talked while Jim and Erin addressed her questions about installing ceiling fans.

Steve is handy and adventurous about trying to do the work himself, but he too has a fear of electrocution, so he came for some tips.

We have an out-of-reach and expired smoke detector that is going to require my help in updating. So I promised that I would help after I gained some confidence in this class. When I asked what exactly this smoke detector was going to require of me, Caroline, Jim's assistant, walked away and came back with a smoke detector. She took it out of the box and Jim, Caroline, and Steve talked me through the process.

It was fun to make a new friend and to watch my friend Erin get her questions answered. I was proud of her interest and willingness to learn.

I learned how to replace an outlet and its basics:
*what the ground wire looks like
*black wire on brass
*white wire on silver
*how to strip the wire, wind it around the screw, and tighten the screw
*a 100 watt bulb uses 1.1 amps of power

I learned there is a youtube video for just about anything. I also learned just exactly how much I do not know about electrical things, but also basic things about safely handling electrical projects. I'm not so intimidated, and will now feel less apprehensive if something comes up or burns out. The Knowledge is Power aspect of this Saturday's class is the greatest takeaway.

Check out Home Depot's website for upcoming classes. The classes are offered nation wide. I am signing up for the How to Install Tile class on March 21 because we have a tile problem in our laundry room that has long been ignored, and I'd like to know how to fix it. These classes are also helping me peel away my fear of not trying something simply because I don't know how to do all of it or might make a mistake. I've let a lot of opportunities pass me by because of that ridiculous fear. I'm done with that. I'm not wasting any more time with that nonsense.

I'm excited to cross off another item from the 4040 list. Since the attendance varies, it means you may often receive one-on-one instruction—a perfect learning environment.

Happy New Month

Happy First Monday of March, Dear Readers!

I am grateful for all my friends, family, and friends-I-haven't-met who are reading this blog.

My blog stats have recorded that there are folks in the following far-flung places who are also reading: Canada, China, France, Ukraine, Poland, Australia, India, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Germany, United Kingdom, and Spain. I love to travel and want to see more of the world. The thought of you in all these wonderful places reading about this one American life takes my breath away. Thank you!

Knowing that you read and comment on what I post is a source of great motivation and encouragement as I work through and write about my goals, write my novel, and create new opportunities for this new decade.

Thanks for joining me!
Have a fantastic start to the week.

Impromptu Book Reading

I happened to be in Barnes & Noble this afternoon when a local author read a selection from her new book. I was browsing the shelves for books by Thich Nhat Hanh on mindfulness and being present in the moment. I overheard the author, Liz, introduce her editor, her family, and her book. She began reading from chapter two. So in the spirit of living in the moment I joined the small gathering. I wanted this fellow writer to have a few unfamiliar faces in the crowd. I also thought it would help me visualize my own future book reading. The only open seats were in the front row, so I slipped in. And listened. And got really into what she was reading. (She's a history teacher in a nearby school district and wrote an historical fiction book called Soul Mates.)

Liz read for a few minutes. Her pace was quick. She had a smile on her face. You could tell she was very excited for this moment. I was excited for her and the group who came to support her. I thought about the people who will one day be in my crowd.

Later, after making my purchase, I walked up to her and introduced myself. I told her that I was writing my first novel and that I was really happy for her and attended the book reading to offer my support. We chatted for a few minutes. She gave me her card and invited me to contact her and mentioned getting together for coffee.

We parted and I was just so happy. Happy that I'd sat down and listened instead of continued shopping. Happy that I'm writing my own book. Happy that I am practicing living fearlessly and didn't let my shy side overtake a moment to meet someone who is a little further down the author path than me.

This whole daily writing thing is really opening up a lot of conversation for Cadence and me too. As we walked through the mall and out to our car, I told her about meeting Liz while Cadence was at the birthday party. Cadence's face lit up. “Wow, Mom, is she famous? I bet she can help you get famous.”

Fame has been a topic of conversation lately. My book writing has presented me with the opportunity to talk about how being creative it feeds my soul, makes me feel good, and helps me express my gifts and talents. I reminded Cadence today, “Remember, we're not writing books to be famous.”

We walked a few steps further and Cadence said, “You can go for coffee with her and I bet she can spice up your book.” I laughed out loud. (I have absolutely no idea how this phrase came to her.) “Do you think my book needs spicing up?”

Cadence smiled and said, “No, but I bet she could if you needed her to.”

PS: During another recent conversation, she asked me if my book was sad. I told her that there are sad parts in it. She then asked if I've cried while writing it. At the time I hadn't yet, but have since indeed cried in the middle of writing one of my page-a-days. She looked at me and without missing a beat proceeded to tell me, "That's good. People like sad books." She then told me about a sad book her teacher was reading to them in second grade and how they liked the story a lot. Whoa. Just whoa. Where in the world do these conversations come from?