“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that
I am not. I write to explore all the things I am afraid of.” - Joss
Whedon
I began writing this book as a challenge or a dare to myself. I'd
spent a lot of years talking about writing. I'd also spent a lot of
years telling myself that I didn't have any fiction in me. I grew
tired of that story. When I look back at 2015, I will remember it
for many things. But one of the biggest things that will stand out
will be how it was the year I stopped repeating narratives that were
outdated or simply untrue.
I set out to write Astrid's story to put the narrative to rest.
Either I did have fiction in me or not, but I would KNOW having tried
it.
I didn't know in January that writing every day would become a
lifeline through one of the most difficult times of my life. It
became an oxygen mask. When things around me felt crumbly, I would
put on the mask, make use of the assisted air, and keep going.
Just as Joss Whedon expresses in the quotation above, writing has
given me strength. I have written my characters to be what I am not,
and I have definitely written to explore what I am afraid of.
Astrid is confident and brave in ways I am not. She isn't fearful
of confrontation. She says what needs to be said even when it's
hard. She's not afraid of ruffling feathers. When she stands up for
herself the words come out of her mouth fully formed and confident.
As I try to do the same, the effect is more clunky than polished,
wavering instead of solid.
If I've been able to give Astrid those words to say and the attitude
and courage to convey them, then I have to believe that somewhere
deep inside of me are the words and attitude and courage to do the
same for myself. In conjuring up Astrid, I have created a role model
for who I want to be moving forward. Through Astrid and the other
characters, I get to practice being all the things I want to be but
am afraid of in real life. Astrid the character and Astrid the
project are teaching me to stop avoiding fears. To walk through what
scares me most because likely the anticipation of said scary thing is
much worse than just facing it head on.
I can no longer say that I'm not a fiction writer. I proved myself
wrong. I, indeed, have a story. I know this now because I WROTE IT.
I can't wait to read your story when it's finished (or maybe it is already?). I've never considered myself a fiction writer either, but I'm going to try it in November and attempt to participate in NaNoWriMo (I forget what that stands for, but it's a challenge to write a a certain number of words of a novel during the month of November). You inspire me Julie!
ReplyDeleteBravo! That's one of the really cool things about writing fiction--we get to reimagine ourselves and put ourselves in situations that scare us to death in real life. It's like trying on a costume :).
ReplyDeleteWell said! If I were writing fiction, I would make my person be all the things I am not but aspire to be too. And YES - facing the fear is much less scary than actually dwelling on it for days and years! Good job, and good for you!
ReplyDeleteAstrid is your soul...you are braver than you think. xoxo
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