When one of your favorite writers makes a book recommendation, it is best to take her up on it. This is one of the lessons I learned while reading Found - The Story of Questions, Grace & Everyday Prayer by Micha Boyett.
Found is the story of a young woman's quest to find her way back to prayer and a spiritual life after becoming a mother. I found myself in her questions, her anxieties, and her worries about not being enough in the eyes of God. In some ways it was not an easy read because she is so hard on herself, holding herself and her spiritual life to exacting standards. I felt the author had crawled into my mind and was reporting from the field.
Boyett is drawn to monasticism and spiritual practices, and it was refreshing to find another modern woman drawn to these things as I am. Her poetic way with words brought me to tears over and over and never so much as she described her husband, Chris.
I wept big, hot, stinging tears each time she revealed this man's way of understanding her and loving her even when she was anxious or off-kilter. My reaction to these passages was so big, I had to stop and ask myself what was happening. My answers were hard to swallow: I have been lying to myself. I have been telling myself that I love being single (which I do) and that if I find a partner down the road that would be nice. The lie is that finding a partner is a deep, deep longing and wanting it so badly scares the sh*t out of me. Wanting to find love opens me up for more disappointment, and lately I haven't felt like I can take anymore. The depth of my weeping revealed the depth of my longing and desire for this companionship. Boyett's description of her husband gave me hope that I could find someone who might be patient with my anxious, tasmanian devil of a mind.
I am left feeling raw and exposed having read this book. I am also left feeling hopeful and less alone.
The truth shall set you free. I am reminded of this over and over as I peel back the layers of my life to reveal who I am, who I want to become, and what I want. I am grateful for writers who can so beautifully share their stories and in doing so help me connect with mine.