Let me be clear: There is no greatest
of ease when flying on that trapeze! At least not for this
first-timer. There is nothing we do on ground to prepare you for all
of the bodily sensations you experience when you're on the flying
trapeze. Your arms, back and shoulders get stretched as you reach for
the bar. The shoulder sockets get a good tug as you step off the
platform and swing back and forth. You've never been aware of your
core muscles like you are as you are swinging and pulling your legs
up to your chest to hang upside down on the bar.
A day later, I cough and my ribs hurt.
I stretch my arms above my head and feel muscles in my armpits I've
never felt before. The pads of my palms sting and I feel the vice
grip I used to hang on for dear life in my fingers and joints.
I posted on Facebook a photo of myself
with the trapeze behind me. A former co-worker who had introduced me
to the idea of trapeze class in the first place asked, “Did you
love it?!?
There in the middle of the experience,
I had my answer.
“No, not really.”
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't mad or
disappointed or ready to quit. Crossing this item off my list was a
relief and so much different than the other physical challenges. I
wasn't feeling a “trapeze high” the way I experienced the high of
finishing the 5K.
After this experience, I have a much
deeper respect for those whose job it is to perform above the net, in
front of an audience, and swinging from platform to platform. But I
do not aspire to follow in their footsteps.
The thing is...swinging from the
trapeze is HARD. It is physically challenging. It is mentally
challenging. I climbed the ladder four times. I stepped off the
platform four times. I swung upside down three times. I landed one
time and rolled on my neck in a “wish I hadn't done THAT” sort of
way. I trembled after each turn. I expected that that reaction
would tone down with more practice.
That was not the case for me. There is
nothing natural about the trapeze.
I am really glad trapeze class was on
the 40/40 list. I got to see myself from a different vantage point.
Literally. What I learned: I have trust issues. I trust so easily.
On that platform, I put my body and my safety in the hands of
strangers and didn't think twice about it. I listened to their
instruction and did it to the best of my ability.
I'm hard-wired to trust the way others
are hard-wired to be distrustful. This truth about my trusting
nature has a double-edged sword. Being so trusting makes me
vulnerable to be easily hurt, which I have been repeatedly. But on
the positive side, my trusting nature opens doors to amazing
experiences and relationships I might not have if I'd been more
guarded. It was good to be reminded of this and to be reflective. Being
more acutely aware of this inclination to trust can help me as I
navigate future interactions and relationships.
I was reminded that underneath this
tall, svelte figure of mine is a determined, fierce and focused
spirit. I set my mind to trying the upside down swing and when I
didn't manage it on the first try I didn't give up. I was scared. I
did it anyway. This will be one of the lingering legacies of this
blessed 40/40 list.
I also learned that I have a healthy
respect for my own limitations. On what would end up being my last
turn, I tried “the catch” where someone swung from another bar
and reached out to grab me by the arms—a real circus move. Our
timing was off. He made contact with my arms, but wasn't able to get
a good grasp. I fully intended to try it again, but then with just
a few people ahead of me I felt this definitive moment of being done.
I was tired. I knew the effort each turn required and after the wait
from one turn to the next, fatigue had set in. My head wasn't in the
game anymore and I knew I needed mental and physical toughness to
attempt the catch.
I didn't feel one bit bad for saying
I'd had enough. I'd done far more than I expected I'd be able to do
and I was satisfied with my achievements. Knowing our limits and
respecting them is a great life skill. I'm really grateful that I am
developing it.
I was also confronted with the constant
notion that I think too much. I couldn't get out of my head enough
to confidently try doing a back flip. The others in my class who did
do it told me, “Just don't think about it. Follow the instructions
you hear and just go for it.” Nope. I couldn't turn this noggin
off long enough for something so sensible. And again. There's one of
my limitations, and I'm completely okay with it. I'm not even curious
about what it might have been like.
I also thought about how different the
experience would have been if I hadn't already trained for the 5K or
been doing daily yoga. I'm the strongest mentally and most physically
fit I've ever been, and it was still really hard. I tried to imagine
if I'd done this when the trapeze season opened in April. I'm really
glad I did it late in the season. I'm also really glad to have it
crossed off the list.
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