Friday, October 6, 2017

6. Buying Flowers

As I write, there's a vase of lemon yellow and electric pink roses sitting on my dresser. When I stand in line at ALDI's I survey the day's inventory of cut flowers. When the roses are looking good, I choose a bouquet or two. The dozen roses in my room cost me $8. A small price to pay for a spark of beauty in my home.

I mother myself by allowing this frivolity to balance out the overarching and overwhelming bents toward pragmatism and practicality that generally rule my choices and my spending.

During courtship, I was showered with flowers (on one particular occasion, two dozen red roses were delivered to work). Once married, the floral parade abruptly stopped. I was scolded for not watering the flowers I'd been gifted. I was punished for my perceived lack of appreciation.

Buying myself flowers is an act of healing, but it's also a subversive act. It's tripping a wire in my brain. It's disrupting the message that for a long time reinforced that I didn't deserve to have this splash of beauty. That I wasn't worth the effort.

The frugal part of me also delights in the fact that I am accomplishing this with so few dollars.

4 comments:

  1. Many comments: Thank you for the yellow rose message. (do you know the story?) The person who accused you of not watering the flowers? A narcissist per chance? Thirdly, even if they were 18$ they would still be worth it (however, I do understand budgets and all). Finally, Trader Joe's has gorgeous flowers with great prices. xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to google the meaning of yellow roses...now I love them more! Yes, to your second question. And I don't have a Trader Joe's handy, so I'm happy with my ALDI offerings. Thanks for reading and encouraging me. xo

      Delete
  2. I LOVE this! During tough seasons I buy myself flowers. I have asked my hubby of over 20 years to get me flowers, but he chooses not to...so I do it myself. I love the splash of color and beauty in the midst of times that are more dark and ugly (hard). I am modeling that for my girls 16/17. They love it when I bring flowers home, and they see me not waiting for a man to validate my need or deservance of them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is beautiful! And sad. This is life. I've been there too. Good for you! Keep moving forward. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete