To
begin, I don't like crowds. Too many people in a confined space
provokes mild panic.
Secondly,
Cadence was going to be with me on Saturday. I wasn't sure how I felt
about taking her into the crowd.
Then a
friend asked me if I was going. I expressed the concerns above, but
knowing she was going gave me courage to consider it.
And then
I read the following words from the writer-mama-mentor-activist,
Glennon Melton Doyle, who reminds me that We Belong To Each Other
and We Can Do Hard Things.
“THE ANSWER TO
WHETHER WE'D HAVE MARCHED IN THE CIVIL
RIGHTS ERA IS WHETHER WE'RE MARCHING IN THIS CIVIL
RIGHTS ERA.”
My
decision was made.
As
I described to Cadence what Saturday's march would be about, I
concentrated on our celebration of girlhood and womanhood and wanting an
equal opportunity for everyone. Since we live in St. Louis, and she
remembers the events of Ferguson three summers ago, I didn't want her
to confuse the two and be frightenened. And I prayed that the Women's March would be
peaceful.
We'd
discussed her wearing her Girl Scout vest at the suggestion of our
friend, a Girl Scout leader for her daughters. Friday evening we bought
poster board at Target. I asked her what positive messages she wanted
to convey on her signs. What immediately came to mind was:
Who
Runs the World? GIRLS! (Thanks, Beyonce!)
And
then without prompting, she turned the GIRLS into an acrostic.
G
– Great
I
– Intelligent
R
– Radiant
L
– Loving
S
– Scouts
I
was blown away.
We
met our friends at the metro stop near my office. A crowd formed and
grew around the ticket kiosks. There was warmth, positivity, and
community coursing through these people. The crowd was a diverse mix:
women of every age, husbands, mamas pushing strollers and wearing
their babies in packs. Cadence made a new friend as our group grew
with friends of friends.
An
older woman held a ziploc sandwich bag full of colorful lapel pins.
She handed Cadence and I a pin. A souvenir for our pin collections!
With
tickets in hand, we walked down to wait for our train. The 8:10 came.
It was so full of people, there was no room to squeeze on. We kept
talking and waited for the next train. The long wait tested the mettle of
our little girls. I reminded them that we weren't missing anything.
The crowd here was a good sign. It meant people cared about their
concerns and hopes for the future. More trains came and left, packed,
without us. On our fifth try, we boarded the train and joined the
masses.
When
we got to Market Street, we were welcomed by event volunteers. They
told us that the march had just started and was a few blocks ahead.
We started walking down the middle of the street. The girls shared
our signs and we began taking in the experience.
It
didn't take too long to catch up to the crowd. Signs were everywhere.
The sentiments were deep, passionate, smart, and funny. I was in word
nerd heaven. [My favorites: We are the granddaughters of the witches you couldn't burn. And a sign with arrows pointing in all directions that said I'm with her.]
Before
the ultrasound determined the sex of our baby, I imagined what
mothering the baby I was carrying would feel like. Did I want a boy
or a girl? On the one hand, I wanted a healthy baby and so I didn't care if I had a boy or a girl. But as I dug deeper, I believed I was more
comfortable with the idea of having a boy since I'd nannied twin
newborn boys ten years earlier as a new college graduate. It was
familiar territory.
I
felt more trepidation about having a girl. It was more personal. I
wanted to parent differently than I'd been parented. I wasn't convinced I could
accomplish that. I wanted a different relationship with my daughter
than I had with my mother. I didn't know how to do that. I was afraid
of messing up. And then we learned our baby was a girl. And I was
delighted and determined to mother her the best way I knew how.
As
I marched down the street, these ancient thoughts washed over me. I
was so grateful to have a girl. This girl. And to be sharing this
historic moment with her. Loving and mothering her has been the catalyst for my own healing. She has taught me how to be confident, fierce, brave, courageous—for
her and for me.
She
was the only girl we saw wearing a Girl Scout vest, and she was a
hit. Multiple women approached her as they passed us, “We are SO
glad you are here! Being a Girl Scout is the best! We are so proud of
you! May we take a picture of your sign?”
As
we walked, I couldn't help but think of the suffragettes three
generations before me. How they paved the way for today's women in so
many ways. I thought of their bravery and courage. How their fight
for the vote had been such a long, violent struggle. It brought me to tears.
“Cadence,
I want you to pretend your brain and eyes are a recorder. This is a
really big deal and especially to be a part of it when you are nine.
Take it all in. You are going to remember this your whole life.”
My
daughter walked with her sign above her head with the message facing
backwards. When I suggested she turn it around, she reminded me, “I'm
holding it up for the people walking behind me. They're the ones who
can see it.”
We
arrived at the end of the march where the rally began and found a
spot to stop and rest. We took in the crowd and tried to hear what
was being said over the PA system. The crowd was remarkable. Smiles
were on everyone's faces. The sense of community and goodwill was
palpable. We lifted our girls onto the window sill of the building so
they could have a better view.
Photo Credit: Cadence |
Photo Credit: Cadence |
Photo Credit: Cadence |
After
a bio break for the girls, we decided it was time to head home. I
was worried about a feeling of letdown as we made our way back to the
metro stop, but the good vibes continued as we made conversation with
women and reflected on what we'd just experienced together. Two days
have passed and I'm still thinking about the experience, and so
grateful that I stepped out of my comfort zone to experience history.
How wonderful that both you and Cadence could experience this together. You're right - she will never forget it. I told my dad yesterday that had my mom still been alive, she would have wanted to march with me. :)
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