I
feel a rambly post coming on. I've watched two Super Soul
conversations online. Oprah interviewed Stephen Colbert and then I
watched her interview with Lin Manuel Miranda. I cried because
creative people talking about their craft cracks something open in me
every time.
I
play a game with myself seasonally. I see how long I can go without
air conditioning or heating. I turned the AC on in May and then we had a
bout of cooler temperatures and I turned it off. I haven't turned it
back on. I know, I know...it's insane. But here are my rationales:
- We have an attic fan that keeps the air moving all the time.
- I am gone so much of the day, and am freezing in my office everyday.
- I've been bit by the gardening bug, and so even when I'm home I'm not inside much.
- I bought a hammock that's in constant shade.
- I was gone this past weekend and will be gone next weekend.
- I'm from south central Kansas. One set of grandparents never had air conditioning and we visited them every weekend. Our summer visits were outside under shade trees.
- Humans have dealt with extreme weather for eons.
- I'm on my own more than half of the month during this summer. I'm the Woman of this House and I get to decide.
And
now a storm is blowing in, and with the windows open, it feels
amazing. I also want to see how much lower my bill is. Unless we have an unseasonably cool July, I can pretty much guarantee that I'll turn it on next month.
What
is this blog post even about? I'm not sure myself. I'm writing my way
to the answer.
I
woke up around five a.m., which is quickly becoming my regular wake
up time. I have no idea why, but I'm not resisting it. I've always
been a morning person.
Things
have felt a little stagnant in my day job world. I am grateful for my
colleagues and the benefits the job grants me, so I've decided to not
resist the stagnation—at least for the time being. In the interim,
I have transformed the way I think of the hours I spend outside of my
day job. I am working to make those hours so rich [do not read
busier],fuller of the things that are important to me to put my
work day hours in perspective.
So
when I woke up at 5:00, I decided to get up and spend some time in my
backyard working. It would be cooler and I have the most energy in
the morning.
I
dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt, grabbed my gloves and
tools and worked for more than an hour. I set out to gather up the
piles of yard waste that I had accumulated last summer and never done
anything with. I wanted to take advantage of tomorrow's yard waste pick up. I accomplished my original goal in fifteen minutes and moved on to the next pile. I now have a clear
path for how to proceed without being overwhelmed by the visual
foliage clutter.
On
a roll, I went inside, preheat the oven (because without AC it would
be cooler in the morning than after work) and baked chicken and
roasted veggies to have for lunches and dinner. By this point, I'm
feeling like a domestic boss and it isn't even 8 a.m.
Here's
where this post is going. I was so productive this weekend during my
down hours from yoga teacher training. Having done my yard work this
morning, and crossing my fingers that the rain will fall, so I can
let Mother Nature do her work, I've got a little time on my hands.
Generally,
I love time on my hands. I have a million ways to fill it, but
tonight this is what I know I need to be doing and I don't want to:
work on memorizing my first sequence for yoga training.
I
signed up for this class and love it, so why don't I want to work on
it? Because it requires memorization of a lot of words, and I am not
strong in memorizing and I am scared.
There,
I said it. I am scared that I will devote the next month to this
assignment and I will still not make it. I have spent the past three
days thinking about all the ways that I can meaningfully work on this
memorization and get the words down.
I'm
going to have flash cards. I'm going to create fill-in-the-blank
worksheets, I'm going to have Mighty Girl and other friends who have
offered, be my students as well as my proctors. I'm also going to do
the poses and read them out loud as I do them. I believe that may be
the most effective tool. I need to use muscle memory in this process.
Do
you see what I've done?
See
how I answered my own question? How am I going to do this big, scary
thing?
I'm
going to write to clear my head, pave a path forward, post this
ramble, and get on my mat.
There,
I did it. I gotta talk this stuff out. And if I'm solo, writing it
out does the job. Thanks for reading and joining me on this wild
ride.
Namaste.