A friend reached out
after she received our Christmas photo card. “The moment I opened the mailbox
and saw your annual Christmas card, I was ecstatic! However, I wouldn’t be a
true friend if I didn’t tell you honestly how quickly it turned into a
bittersweet disappointment when I realized the colorful animated story of your
year wasn’t included…Truly praying next year that joy of writing you have
returns. I love you and thank you for never forgetting about my little
household.”
I had no idea that the short
messages I craft to fit on the shipping label I affix to the back of my
Christmas cards had this effect. I was touched and texted back, “I missed
writing it, but since I’m working from home, I don’t have access to the printer
I use to make my labels and I thought, our year is like everyone else’s:
hunkered down to survive this thing. Sorry for the disappointment. I love you…How
about I write the one I would have written and send it to you?”
My friend then suggested:
“I think you should send it on the last day of the year to all your closest
friends!”
Here’s the message I
might have sent if I could have found a shipping label big enough!
I have cocooned myself in
the safety of my home grateful for our new companion, Ivy Valentine, a Blue
Tick Coonhound mix rescued exactly one month before the world shut down.
Cadence and I took the
first real vacation together we’ve had since she was three and visited friends
in Charleston, South Carolina, as the virus was shutting down life as we know
it. We flew down, spent a glorious few days seeing the sights, standing at the
shore with the Atlantic Ocean not far off. We listened to the news, and decided
to cancel our flight home, rent a car, and drive back to Missouri. The trek
through mountains, radio games we created, and the sense of adventure and
empowerment in uncertain times will be highlights of an already amazing trip.
When I chose to not
prepare a year-end message, I assumed I had nothing new or different to say,
but with more reflection, I know that’s not true. I have come alive and
blossomed from my time at home. I have had time to heal from long-term stresses
of my office job. I have saved money by not eating out and not filling up my
gas tank weekly. My nervous system has been on high alert for nine years and
this time of quarantine offered it the chance to cool down and repair. I know
that what I describe is not true for most people, and I share my experience
with tenderness. I can only share the story that is mine, and hold space for
others for whom this time at home has been devastating.
The days, weeks, and
months after my divorce felt like pandemic-level isolation, but I didn’t know
that then. I had no idea that those lonely days were preparing me to thrive
alone now when isolation remains a key to health and safety.
I opened my home to our
friend committed to her doctoral program despite the challenges the pandemic
caused for higher education, and we sheltered in place together. I can’t tell
you what a joy it was to listen to her teach her first undergraduate class from
my dining room or kitchen. We brainstormed time management strategies and how
she could give feedback to her students’ papers without taking up all her time.
We laughed about the times when Ivy made appearances in her Zoom calls.
My confidence in the
kitchen grew even more as I strived to have healthy meals ready at the end of
the day, so that our friend could keep studying. She introduced me to the magic
of sweet potatoes and a dumpling at Trader Joe’s I can never pronounce. (Is it
Goya, A?)
I have also watched my
daughter grow more independent. She’s baked and perfected her scrambled eggs.
She’s brought home stories from school about standing up for friends who were
being bullied. She and I also spoke about our love for The Little Bit
Foundation to a local Rotary Club. I also watched her become a more skilled
player on the softball field.
I set low expectations
for the progress I could make in my backyard this summer, and then soon found
myself part of a Zoom Garden Club that met with other colleagues. This weekly
meeting was a lifeline and my garden pursuits flourished. We hosted a socially
distant garden tour and my Fairy Garden Mother and another colleague gifted me
with their time and humanpower to help me cut down some invasive trees on my
hill.
A weekly Zoom call with
college friends created a comforting rhythm and some routine in otherwise
shapeless weeks. My siblings gifted me with a Zoom workshop with a favorite
author who helped me transform the way I think about and will pursue my writing
goals in the coming year.
I have been heartbroken
watching how so many in our culture “got tired” of the requirements of getting
through a global pandemic and how those actions have added to the stress of
loved ones who are on the frontlines of battling the coronavirus. But I also
believe that we find what we’re looking for, so I’ve kept my eyes open and seen
kindnesses extended in my brief excursions to the grocery store and in stories
shared online.
An anemia diagnosis took
me out of my comfort zone and into the chair at an infusion center for daily,
then weekly, and now monthly Vitamin B12 shots. My stamina is returning, and I
am grateful for the compassionate care of the nursing staff I witness as they
treat patients who enter for their next round of chemo. These trips have been
humbling and great for gaining and keeping perspective.
I have a new favorite
book, A Gentleman in Moscow, and have already read it twice in one year. I’ll
close with this passage by author Amor Towles, who gave me language for how to
think about loss and love—two things that have in so many ways shaped this
longest, hardest of years, 2020:
“As these thoughts passed through the Count’s mind,
was he concerned that Mishka still pined for Katerina? Was he concerned that
his old friend was morbidly retracing the footsteps of a lapsed romance?
Concerned? Mishka would pine for Katerina the rest of
his life! Never again would he walk Nevsky Prospekt, however they chose to
rename it without feeling an unbearable sense of loss. And that is just how it
should be. That sense of loss is exactly what we must anticipate, prepare for,
and cherish to the last of our days; for it is only our heartbreak that finally
refutes all that is ephemeral in love.” page
184
I am grateful for many
things—this year and always—but especially the friendships that call me to be
my best and ask me to offer my talents—no matter the conditions.
May 2021 be gentler to us
all and may we keep finding ways to show up for each other no matter the
difficulties presented, is my prayer.